[	Current Mood/Irritation/Phobia	|	loved	]
[	Current Music/Movie/Game	|	shadow!of!the!colossus!	]

Just know, first, that whatever you've read previously was the old me, the pessimistic, apathetic, negative, depressed, anxious, antisocial me.  I don't take livejournal seriously really. It's mostly a cure for boredom every now and then, and I tend to use it only to vent or to make fun of myself.  Most of all, it's a thing of the past.  HEhe just so you know.  That's all, JUST SO YA KNOW.  Anyway, I'm not saying I've changed ENTIRELY, but I am changing.  I'm making progress, overcoming all the obstacles in my life, becoming who I am without any shame, and regaining lost self-worth.  I'm just one of the many people out there with flaws and inhibitions, a young person on the verge of starting a life of my own.  And somewhere in these past few months, in this journey to better myself and learning to love myself and acceptance, I found love.  Real love and I know this is it.  It might sound CORNY AND CLICHED and oh well.  I want you to know I love Steve WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING, as the saying goes.  And it's true it's real.  I love him inside and out and I always have.  I think he's an extraordinary person, deserving of so much love and happiness and I need him.  He needs me.  We need and love each other SO MUCH and after 7 years I KNOW he's the one for me.  I get him he gets me we KNOW the true individuals inside.  Heehh that's the beauty of the internet!lf!kj   I just want you (and the world) to know how much he means to me, that over the years we never gave up on each other.  We've both changed, matured, came into our own, and one day had the courage enough to say how we both felt about each other.  SO ANYWAY, I really do love him completely and it feels so incredibly right.  I'm so grateful our paths have crossed in life just as it was always meant to happen.  I really am so so lucky to have himmm.  I want to love him forever.  I love you, Steve.

NOW my game is calling me ;)  I have to beat the last colossus again OHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMYGOD i lovvvvvvvvve it.  im so excited heh.  let me just go beat t he game again right quick....

[	Current Mood/Irritation/Phobia	|	cheerful	]
[	Current Music/Movie/Game	|	OH man i can't wait for Shadow of the Colossus	]

So.  everything's changing.   outside as well as in.  and for the better.   day by day it's getting better.   PROGRESS!!!!   i feel invincible and NO it's not just the paxil  WINKWINKWINKNUDGEELBOWWINKLICKFUCK.

SCHOOL.
Anxiety pressure gauge going down.  Lettin the steam out.   My classes are fantastic.
NEW HAIR.  finally some confidence.   finally a self esteem boost.   a notch.
i'm starting to shed some inhibitions.  tho i don't think i'll ever stop being so aware of myself all the time.  i don't want to completely annihilate my awareness, i just need to stop thinking so much.  DON'T STOP TO THINK ABOUT IT TOO MUCH JUST DO IT.  just do it.  go for the gold slice that gold and fry it up.
STEVE.  LOVE.  CERTAINTY.  AMAZING.  MY FUTURE. DESTINY.  SERATONIN.  CUDDLE.  AWESOME.  MY ONE.  CHO-SIMBA.  I'M SO IN LOVE WITH YOU I WANT TO WAD YOU UP INTO MY LIFE LET'S ROLL UP TO BE A SINGLE STAR IN THE SKY I HEAR YOU CALLIN MEEEEeeeeee.   YES.   finally.   us.   as it always should have been.  just as i foresaw it.  my dreams.  past lives.  i know.  i can't wait to have you in my arms ;;;;;;;;;)

Steve.  Perfect



i reformatted my computer and lost everything :)   so :)  if you actually read this :)   please :)  if you have anything i might have sent to you over the years :)   send me it :)  plz?  PLZ ?   well.  i need to get back to reinstalling all my games, programs, getting pitchaz back, websites, old saved games on floppy disks, music.  i wish i could get my old aim name back.   LOOKIN MY INFO FOR MY NEW UGLY AIM NAME.   I NEED TO PEE.   hey this was supposed to be a serious update.  oh well.  naw ;)